the random adventures of jojo

grumpy old man..

Whilst I was trying to get started on my school work at the dining area today (actually, the whole of today was spent trying to get work done) Russell came along and plopped himself right behind me, just under the ends of the curtains.

He was asleep when I turned around and spotted him. I grabbed Kiera my camera and snapped a few photos of him, thus the half-asleep glance he is shooting me because he heard my camera go off.

Russell is 13 this year, in human years… and he hasn’t been in very good health lately. Ever since I’d gotten him in 1997, every time I thought about him passing on, I’d cry. Sigh, I wish dogs went to heaven..

My parents finally agreed to let me get a puppy because I was going for my back operation that year…

—
http://project52.rumpledoodles.com/

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I still can’t believe Tim Tams didn’t work.

My dad brought back a cup of my favourite Koi Cafe for me, and it still didn’t work.

My head hurts from 20 hours of trying not to cry.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

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Tim Tams failed to make me feel better.

SERIOUSLY?!

Maybe I need to eat more.

I hate homework. *scowl*

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what? you think that means protecting against physical harm? are you even capable of that?

I don’t like seeing my friends upset. blerugh.

why is there so much pride, even in a relationship?

hearts break and wounds deepen.

“worst situation ever.” – sighhhhhh.

severely lacking in hugs and affection. you all always ask me how I do it, and furthermore, how I’ve done it for the past two and a half years or so.. and that you wouldn’t have been able to, that the chances of straying is so high.

I’m not too sure myself.

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If I were to be accused of one of the seven sins taking over my life, it’d either be gluttony…. Or sloth. Goodness knows that if I had my way, I’d sleep at 4am and wake up at 3pm the next day, have lunch and then proceed to nap.

Oh, who am I kidding? That happens every weekend, much to my undone homework’s dismay. Don’t know what’s up with this semester but everyone seems to be sluggish about getting work done. I think it’s the 2 month Christmas break. Haha.. That has got to be the only drawback of long breaks.

Every Saturday, I’ve been forcing myself to sit at the dining table and get some work done, but I usually end up feeling guilty and pressed for time on Sunday. Haha!

I did manage to get some work done today, though! Still have another piece of work on today’s agenda so I suppose I’ll start on that soon.

School’s been alright, for those of you who’ve asked. It’s just a ton of work that I am new to, thus taking forever with each piece. Haha.

On a sidenote, my parents just got home and they forgot to buy me the dinner they said they’d get!!!! OMG WALAOEH I AM SUPER HUNGRY. I could have cooked noodles half an hour ago if they hadn’t said they would get dinner for me la!!! *EPIC SULK*

But they both were super nice and gave me money to get my CNY clothes so I shall just go and cook dinner nao. HAHAHA.

Before I disappear and ease the dizziness from hunger, I’ve overdue photos from when Zhan, Malcolm and I went out to shoot. We had brunch at my favourite place for brunch before that, and Felicia Chin was at the next table! SO CUTE. I have a crush on her, kthksbai. Hahahaha!

big bear paws!!! that’s an iPhone in his paws

poor tree…

malcolm has hair that is totally awesome to photograph!!! HAHAHA.

rarrrr!!!! hahahahaha

oh, shoo!

I don’t have proper photos from that outing because I hate the shots I took. Blerughhh. We didn’t go out to shoot this week either, so as of now I have no photo ready for Project 52. Ack. Shall see what’s around tomorrow.

Things have been a lil better at the home-front, albeit not knowing what is going to happen. Trying my best to leave everything to God, heh.

as with so many other things, i don’t expect you to understand. just keep the judgmental subtleties out of your tones.

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I got home at about 1pm today, and all I wanted to do was crash on my bed and take a loooong nap because I was exhausted from being stressed about everything + school work.

At 3am last night, I’d already decided on this much needed nap whilst on the phone with Pinkie. Haha.

Got home, fell asleep.. and it was all good, save for waking up in between a few times.

And then a few hours later, I got woken up repeatedly, more and more annoyed each time because I heard my aunt over at my place, making a hell lot of noise. She was downstairs in the kitchen/balcony and I could hear every word she was saying la!!! WALAO.

Tried to ignore it and went back to sleep. Awhile later, she began knocking on my door. Didn’t hear it at first but eventually did and the knocking became progressively louder. Ignored it in hopes of her heading back downstairs once she’d got it that YES, I WAS STILL ASLEEP.

But nooooooo.. the knocking became loud banging on my door with my name being screamed. WTH?

So I got up and opened the door in much grumpiness, only to be faced with a total WINNER of a question – DO YOU HAVE NEW CLOTHES TO WEAR FOR CHINESE NEW YEAR?

……. WTH????????????????????? Beyond pissed. Couldn’t get back to sleep after that.

Went on Facebook and found my profile page spammed with multiple mentions of some Help Haiti by Clicking application. Eh, what the hell? Could you not be stupid and pretentious? If you really want to donate, don’t sit around bloody Facebook clicking on a useless program that spams everyone okay?

For goodness sake, if you sincerely want to donate and help, go here : http://www.worldvision.org.sg/CF-General.php?catID=18

GAH!

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The countdown ticker I have on my Dashboard reads:

Not sure why it doesn’t just say 5 months, but perhaps that’s a good thing. It made me smile when I glanced at it today. I don’t launch my Dashboard often so that helps.. Haha. Pinkie says I got the right countdown ticker because it says 4 months and 4 weeks, instead of 5 months. HAHA.

Because stupid things like that make me happier.

Sooo… If nothing goes wrong, I’ll be seeing Pinkie in 4 months and 4 weeks! Hehe. I miss Pinkie…

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It was about 5pm, but because it rained earlier in the day, the sun was scorching. We walked down a path at East Coast Park for about an hour plus or so and I couldn’t take it anymore even though it was still bright and there were more photos to be taken. Ack.

It’s amazing how slowly we walk down a short path when we’re taking photos and just observing the tiniest details along a seemingly boring stretch of road. I love that.. heh.

One good thing about the sun being so bright was that the shadows were nicely defined, making for lovely shades and shadows in pictures.

faeryland

Doesn’t the grass patch look like little faeries and pixies will appear and dance around? Hehehe. Much like in an Enid Blyton story! I’ve been re-reading The Faraway Tree stories before bedtime these days..

—
http://project52.rumpledoodles.com/

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After an entire week of crying every night and feeling helpless and upset, of sleeping pills (mild ones – don’t have a heart attack please. it’s way better for me to sleep than to be up crying!) and of lovely friends, I think I can now safely say that I am feeling a whole lot better and ready to take on what comes next.

It hasn’t been an easy week dealing with everything that is happening, but it’s slowly coming under control somehow. I was finally able to talk things out and get most of the mush in my head sorted out, so that’s good. I’ve a feeling next week will be better!

I wouldn’t have been able to do this without the lovely people around me, who’ve been insanely nice and caring. <3

Also, I was blessed with the gift of Flickr Pro!!!!!! It was from someone I don’t know, and it was all a pleasant surprise that came at the right time. It was a token of support for my Project 52, because he likes my photos and that just really touched me – I was really encouraged by the simple gesture. Hee hee. Thank you!!!

Today and tomorrow have been set aside for me to catch up on the work I was unable to do this week, but despite being up for about 3 hours now, I feel the attack of the naps coming! Zzzz…

That aside, someone did a search for my name multiple times and found this blog, so hello who are you why are you so freaky can’t you just say hi? Pshhh.

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I’ve heard tons of definitions of what Love is – whether it’s an opinion or straight from the bible.

One of my favourite verses in the bible is the ones about Love:

Some people think love is an emotion, a surge of passion, the blush across one’s face, the commitment to be faithful, the feeling of always wanting to see the other person, an enveloping warm and fuzzy feelings or wanting the best for the other party.

And I agree. Love is all those things… And more.

I also believe that love is a decision and an action. As well as everything stated in 1 Corinthians. That love is unconditional and of course, quite impossible for us humans to achieve.

But I believe it is what we need to remind ourselves to strive for when we set out to love someone.

What sort of love is conditional?
I don’t even know how to answer that. And yet, sometimes when I look at the people around me, I can’t help think that over time, we’ve come to put a price tag, if you will, on love.

Perhaps not a price tag with monetary value, but a price tag of expectations and conditions.

Love is not a contract. Why should you expect something in return when you love? We all hope for reciprocation, obviously, but I don’t think you should demand it… for lack of a better word. (I digress, but I think pre-nups are one of the most depressing things in the world)

Love is an action – of being committed to the other’s success, of taking extra care and precaution not to hurt the other person no matter how angry or frustrated you may be, of making the conscious effort to ensure that the other feels loved.

We all love and feel loved in different ways. What use is it if you shove the way you love people down someone else’s throat when they don’t feel loved that way – and then get upset when they feel unloved?

It takes time to discover and learn how each other works, feels and functions – but whoever said loving someone was easy?

Honestly, loving someone unconditionally is one of the toughest things to do. After all, we all make mistakes and disappoint others at one point or another – which one of us is worthy to take that place on the pedestal and be above everyone else?

All I know is that unconditional love takes effort and time, and is worth more than pride or ego. We all need reminders now and then – myself included, thus this rather verbal lengthy thought process and reminder to myself and whoever else who happens to need it. Haha.

So really, if you just so happened to chance upon this somehow, and you were looking for a sign.. just swallow your pride and be giving. Just love.

(But you know, guard your heart and all that jazz too. Don’t misplace emotions. I know I sound contradicting but I am tired and I don’t know how else to put this across la! Tsk!)

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The important and the urgent.

Which do you pick? What are your priorities? Yes, you do have a choice. Do you hold off the important repeatedly for the urgent?

What if one day the important just fades away, further and further? What if when you turn around at long last, the important is no longer there?

Why can’t I get the image of my dad crying out of my head?
Why can’t I stop seeing the brokenness in his eyes?
Why can’t I just be strong and carry on and keep pushing forward and not let this haunt me over and over?

What’s going to happen now?

are you okay / it’s okay / things will be fine / i am here / you’re okay / you will be alright / i am here / you have me / cry just cry / are you feeling better / how is he / how is she / what can i do / talk to me / i am here / i love you / i am here / i am here / i am here / i am here / i am here / i am here / i am here / i am here / i am here / i am here

WHY??????????????????????????????????????????????????

and how. do. i. do. this.

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It isn’t Valentine’s Day when couples flood the streets, all happy and smiling with each other.
It also isn’t during my birthday, even though I love birthdays and would love to be able to celebrate it with me.

It isn’t even during Christmas-time, my favourite time of year, when I wish with all my heart that we can share it together for the first time.

It’s times like this, when my world seems to be falling apart around me in the slowest of motions and there is absolutely nothing I can do to prevent it or stop the pieces from shattering on the ground.

It isn’t about having someone to tell me what to do, to give me advice or even to talk.. I may not know everything I have to do; I have some semblance of inkling as to where to go on from here.. so that really isn’t the point, or the suckiest bit of all this.

It’s about seeing my dad look so incredibly tired, disheveled and so so unhappy with that broken look in his eyes, and feeling completely helpless.. It’s when I know this is beyond me and what I can do, but it’s just dealing with the emotions left behind and trying to be okay.

It’s times like this, when all I want is your presence next to me, to just hold me and let me know it’s okay, that you’re here, that you’re holding my hand through all this.

I don’t need answers, I don’t need solutions… All I need is your simple presence here, because it gives me strength.

And this, is when LDRs suck the most.

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