the random adventures of jojo

My photos have gotten darker, whilst Zhan’s have progressively gotten brighter and happier. Lol. Mmm, my photography style changes according to my mood. Something I need to control better. This photo was taken ages ago, before I went to London though.

I’m hardly able to convince myself that I’m not a horrible human being.

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It’s 2am, and I’m playing with matches instead of snuggling under the comforter in the artificial cool air of my room.

I play pick-up-sticks with matchsticks.
Do the games we play as we grow up really have to become more and more dangerous?

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Today was merely the start of the third week of school and I can already feel the weight of the work. It’s not that we’ve a lot to do right now, but the amount of time needed to generate ideas is driving me up the wall!

When ideas don’t come and all I do is stare blankly at my empty layout pad, I get super worried that this is it – this is where it all ends because my lack of creativity is going to cause my doom. -_-

The lack of time to do things like hanging out with friends bothers me, but at the end of the day, I wonder how many people have time to hang out anyway. The fragility of relationships is astounding, and some days I don’t even know what’s worth it anymore.

Pent-up frustration and sadness is dangerous, and horribly detrimental to too many things, but sometimes, things really are better left unsaid.

What makes christians so damn judgmental anyway? You’re not on any moral higher-ground just because of the values that are taught to you, you know. I honestly think that christians can be the most judgmental people of the lot, especially towards other christians. There’s a fine line between watching out for someone, and being hypocritical in the very things you say and do. (And before you jump to assumptions, I’m christian too)

I really shouldn’t keep things to myself for months and months on end.

This seems to make it easier when I think of packing up and leaving this place, hahahahaha.
What am I supposed to do?
I’m sick of living up to other people’s expectations of me.

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Today started last night, or very early this morning, however you like to see it.

It was one of those dreamy days when you’re caught off-guard by what the day brings, making it even more delicious to savour. I don’t have photos to remember today by; I only have words, so here goes.

My mum and Dad (they took turns), my brother and his friend, and Pinkie played mahjong til about 330am. It was a last minute spontaneous round of mad laughter – the kind I adore most. I wasn’t involved in the game directly (mostly because I am horrid at it) and thus wasn’t exactly in the midst of the mad laughter than erupted every now and then. I was either on the bed, or in my room, glued to my DS playing Pokemon because I was trying not to fall asleep, but I enjoyed knowing that Pinkie was around with my family. It was a quiet kind of enjoyment, the type that I like once in awhile.

He took a nap while I read a book until it was early enough for us to get out of my place to get breakfast and then head over to his place. He was too zonked for me to head to the market near his place to hunt for the fried beehoon breakfast I was craving for, so he picked up McGriddles at a drive-thru and I thought I’d just cook some instant noodles.

When we got to his place, I discovered (much to my shrieking delight) that there was a stall selling fried beehoon at the coffeeshop next to his block. Awesome stuff! I don’t think the auntie expected someone to approach her stall on a public holiday at 6 in the morning with an excited shriek of “OMG YES!!!!!”

The day passed lazily and comfortably.. we got lunch at an eatery in IMM which I’ve been craving for – that certainly made me happy The last time I was there was last year when he was back. That was when we discovered the place.

The Daiso outlet at IMM remains my favourite simply for its sheer size and what they stock, which is a lot more than the others. There’s going to be one opening at ION! You wouldn’t think it, but Daiso happens to be a (cheap) treasure throve for us with regards to school work. Heh.

I’m not sure what it is about today, but somehow it just felt different, like something’s changed.

I realised on the way home that since we met, every National Day would be an awesome day. On the first year we went to the zoo! The past two years, I got tickets to the NDP (much to his dismay, but he always had an unexpectedly good day anyway haha) and today was a really good lazy day.

National Day has lost its meaning for me (even though I love going for the NDP haha) and what makes it even sadder is that I don’t really care that it has. I’m grateful for Singapore, but that’s about the extent of my feelings for this country.

Someone tweeted that being overseas has made him realise how much he needs and misses Singapore, and it got me thinking – when I was overseas in UK for 6 weeks (not very long, but the longest that I have been abroad in any case) it made me realise how much I dislike Singapore, and would love to get away from here =/
What’s that supposed to mean?

This country is home, only because I was brought up here and because of (very) few people and hardly because I love it or that I feel for it. Sad, huh? I’m not sure why, but I think I am expected to feel sad about it, but all I feel is obligated and trapped.

O, how did this turn to become about Singapore? Happy birthday, anyway.

& just like a dream, the lovely day turned right around when I got home to news that Russell has carried on moping from yesterday, only he is much worse. He has been hiding in the store room the entire day, refusing to come out or to eat. He usually says Hi to me at the gate whenever I get home, but not today.. I opened the door of the storeroom to say Hi but he merely lifted his eyes to look at me. No wagging, no lifting of his head. Just a really miserable looking dog..

I’m really afraid that it’s time for him to go, and I’m so so scared.. He’s 13 this year, and I know his time will come one day, even if this is just a scare, but even so I’m still really scared for when that happens.

Over the past year, I’ve kept wanting another pet – and had phases where I had a terrapin and some fish but they died – and I kept wanting to get a hamster. I never got one because my mum doesn’t want me to have one at home. Sigh.

I think I kept wanting one because at the back of my head, I’ve been scared about Russell’s passing for a really long time.

I wish dogs went to heaven…

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Some days, I seriously think about just backing away permanently.

Where does history stand when more and more, I think you make a horribly lousy ______?

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so I’m sitting in heathrow airport now, waiting to head to the gate to board our a380 home.. AND IM SAD.

i don’t particularly want to head back to a place that is too damn hot for me, is filled with tons of things that annoy me and too many ugly tall concrete buildings.

*deep sigh*

this trip has been amazing and completely different from anything else. it was my first time in a country so far away from home and for such a long time too. but surprisingly, I was never homesick. haha.

i think aside from the old charm that England has, I loved feeling disconnected from everything back home, much like I was trapped in my own happy bubble without having to worry or account to anyone.

once I reach Singapore, the new school year will begin in just two days. what’s comforting me right now is the loot from my shopping trips here that I’d get to use, each piece a little reminder of this holiday I was blessed enough to enjoy.

pinkie is done with university (finally) so he is flying back with me. I don’t think that has sunk in yet – no more long distance relationship, yo!

I guess it isn’t sinking in because our entire relationship was long distance and I’m not sure what to expect. hahaha.

he will be coming back to England in September, though – for his convocation and his brother’s wedding. maybe that’s why I don’t entirely feel like he’s coming back for good with me! haha.

this trip also opened up thoughts about things I never dared think about before, and I’m not sure how that will pan out in the future.

the past six weeks have been lovely, with days feeling like they were straight out of an enid blyton storybook.

goodbye england.. I’ll be back

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your advertisement here…

The sharp lines, the symmetry, the stark bold colour, the brightness and the organised mess – I love what this image is visually.

(And unlike my previous Project 52 posts, I don’t have much to say about this photograph. Haha)

I’ve missed posting up photos for Project 52, and I’m glad I finally have something. Hoping to catch up on my backlog before I leave on my great London Adventure!

I’m also glad that Project 52 has started to mean different things for the various people taking part in this with me, and that they’d miss posting photos when they couldn’t. It’d be nice to hear what everyone has to say about it at the end of the year. We’re nearly halfway there!

—
http://project52.rumpledoodles.com/

Do check out the other photos by the people joining me on Project 52!
Zhan
Daniel
Pris
Hansel
Alex
Winnie

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If you are unable to value yourself enough to see your worth, then don’t question it when you find people treating you like you’re not important.

Value yourself enough to know when to say Yes, when to say No, and most importantly when to walk away from the ones who cannot see what you are worth.

—

Mmm.. been thinking about this for quite awhile now. Might publish a full post about it if I can find time this week.

In the meantime, please love yourself more. ♥

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Really. Sometimes I really do think that.

For starters, the weather makes me incredibly miserable. So hot for what! It usually affects my mood too.

And then, we have an arts scene that is just downright sad. Not from lack of effort from the people who are in it, but mostly from the lack of support in general.

Most times, when I discover a new place that delights me (whether cafe, bookstore, random happy place) one of the happy squeals coming from me would be, “OMG this doesn’t look / feel like Singapore! So nice!”

Hahaha. Sad, huh?

But most of all, it’s because the two people closest to me aren’t in this country right now.

Whenever I want to head out to get food or a drink or just a drive around, there are extremely few people who I’d want to meet. It’s not that I don’t like the rest of my friends; it’s just that some people take more effort to be around than others and some days I just don’t have that kind of energy.

Besides, I’m also sick of people being busy with work, busy with school, busy with boyfriend, busy with girlfriend……. I know it’s not entirely their fault – I’m just tired of asking all the time.

Y’know.. I can’t remember the last time I was out with a friend. This sounds so sad! Haha. Oh well.

I can’t wait to leave.

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Hello there, stalkers.

I know I haven’t been posting my Project 52 photos, and trust me – I am feeling very guilty about it!

It’s been an insane past few weeks, what with being sick for close to a month. I was in school waving 4 MCs about, trying to get my various lecturers to sign on them and everyone was shocked at the amount of MCs I was holding. Which reminds me, I really should get them submitted.

I received a love letter from the school the other day. They misssss me, and wanna see me more! Aww. So sweet. Printed on very nice paper too.

After dealing with stupid selfish people last week, I was rather bothered and upset by everything. But it did reveal how nice some of my classmates are.. for comforting me and repeatedly reassuring me, and then dropping me text messages to let me know that they’re around for me. OMG.. *melt*

I also met some nice people yesterday, and after everything I realised that perhaps that’s why I’ve been so grouchy of late. I think I lost a lot of faith in people, because the things that they say and do just reveals for self-centered they are.

How many people are nice just for the sake of being nice anyway? Or is your niceness and concern for others (even people you claim are your friends) attached to a price tag? Why should there be a limit to how much you care and show concern for others?

I was chatting with Fendy online and then it struck me that when people are nice without reason, it makes me happier and well, makes me have more faith in people. Hi Fendy. I know you are reading this.

Tsk, he also revealed that he has been reading my blog since last year! And never commented! Pft!

All you stalkers…..

Anyway, final assessments are in about 3 weeks time. And there are still a few bigger projects to finish up in the next 2 weeks. Ughhhh. And then there’s reworking a bunch of my previous work and attempting to update my empty CPJ. OHMYGOD. *head explodes*

I can’t wait for the holidays!!! If not to sleep and take a break, then to get away from seeing one of the most selfish _______ (insert whatever word you deem fit) I have met in quite awhile.

2 months and 25 more days! *hops about*

But for now, forever21.com will have to keep me happy and afloat.

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I can’t sleep.

my chest hurts. there’s an odd cold sensation in my lungs when I breathe and it’s immensely uncomfortable.

how do people fall asleep when things weigh on their mind? or heart?

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No amount of coffee, no amount of crying
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
No, nothing else will do
I’ve gotta have you, I’ve gotta have you.

You’d think after about two and a half years of seeing my boyfriend for 3 months out of the entire year, I’d be used to it by now. I suppose this year has been somewhat easier, because there is knowledge at the back of my head that this is his last year there and that he will be back soon. Soon, is subjective, of course.

For the past 3 times he left to go back to school, it’d be in September. Every September I’d be upset (understatement of the year) when it was time for him to leave for London.

And after awhile, I’d be better. This was usually the middle of October. HAHAHA.

Things would be fine.. I’d be more used to the idea that he wasn’t around again. Until….. DECEMBER APPEARS.

Decembers have sucked for the past few years, simply because it’s my favourite month. Decembers are supposed to be all warm and fuzzy and slightly cool (weather-wise) and I guess, not having him around to share that with me just really really sucks.

Once the horrid December goes past, January is usually a little brighter.

In January, 3 months have since passed since he left! That seems like quite a feat, and makes things easier to bear.. because hey! That’s 3 months down from the 9 months it started with when he left in September.

And then February comes.
Februarys have been gloomy the past few years too, not because of Valentine’s Day please (he sends flowers! well, except this year HAHAHA).. but because it’s my birthday month and I am one of those people who loves celebrating their birthdays lah!

Random fact #23724: Did you know that I have never had a birthday spent with him before?

So yea, February gets a tad gloomy for me because like December and Christmas-time, I want to be able to spend it with him. It also doesn’t help that over the years, more and more people have gone abroad or gotten busier, and basically no one is free to spend my birthday with me. Oh well.

Things usually pick up after February because by March, I’ve pretty much gotten used to him being away all over again and have random outbursts of “COME HOME SOON!!!!” and “YAY YOU’RE COMING HOME SOON!!!” Haha.

Time usually seems to zip by from March to May, which is when he’s usually back for summer holidays.. but of course, never as fast as when he is around. Meh.

But you know, aside from these months when I seem to be more affected by my boyfriend being 10,000km away from me, there are random days when I just miss him more than usual.

Not any special day, just days when I’d just like him to be around.. just to talk, to share what happens in my life, to just…. be around.

I miss hugs and kisses, I miss holding hands, I miss his presence and I miss phone calls where I can hear him clearly which don’t cost 30cents a minute.

I read or hear or see people whining about how their other half is away for like a week, or busy for awhile or they haven’t met in like five days or he’s away in camp, and some days I want to scream at how…. unfair (for the lack of a better word) it all seems. I know everyone has their own battles to fight, and it’s just not the same.. but I still feel like stabbing people on those days anyway.

It hasn’t been easy, and when people ask me how I do it, I usually respond by telling them I cry a lot. HAHAHA.

I’m just glad he’s coming home soon.. and that I’m going to go over for a holiday before he comes back. Even so, I miss bear hugs tremendously.

COME HOME SOON!!!!!!!!

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