the random adventures of jojo
rumpledoodles.com/adventures-
Tuesday, August 31st 2010 @ 1:52 amcategorised: Crybaby, Uni, arty farty party, dear God, photographie….I was difficult to reach, but you picked me.
Whirlwind weekend, with my body left feeling spent, my mind numb from trying to comprehend why I’ve been so unhappy lately, and why I’m so miserable back here.
Decisions need to be made, and when they’re as huge as this, I’m at a loss, completely unsure of which way to head for the consequences of each choice affects the next few years of not just my life but the ones of those around me.
I think I’ve forgotten how to let go, and let God. Where are you?
Tomorrow’s the start of another week – who knows what it’ll bring? I need to find joy in little things, and faith in people. Disappointment’s difficult to get over, and being idealistic isn’t helping. Is it wrong that I would like the world to be happy and rosy? Why do people need to smash that hope over and over?
In other news, I edited some old photos for school, as part of an experimentation with different looks for a project.



To be quite honest, they were edited to interpret a certain movie director’s signature style, but I’m not sure they’re up to mark so I’m leaving his name out. Pity to insult his pretty works with these. Snigger. Wonder if anyone would be able to hazard a guess though?
-
Thursday, December 31st 2009 @ 9:40 pmcategorised: Contemplation, LASALLEEE, PinkPolarBear, dear God, snapshotsNew Year’s Eve snuck up on me.
Without warning or anticipation, I found it thrust upon me and with all the New Year wishes and posts on blogs and Twitter I keep seeing, thoughts of what has happened this past year was thrown at me.
To be honest, I couldn’t remember much of what happened at all! Haha. I paused for awhile to recall what has happened this past year but I drew a blank, unable to go past the past 2 months which has essentially been my break from school.
And then it occurred to me that this year has really just been one hugeass whirlwind.
2009 in a nutshell: - i am finally back in school!
- awesome summer break with pinkie
- i stepped down as a leader
- got my first dSLR
it was a horrid and long journey to be back in school, because of finances and because of reasoning with myself and my parents. all in all, God has been awesome and an incredible source of provision in this area. the first semester of school was one hell of a ride, with much to get used to but i’m loving what i do!
i’d quit my previous job to take a break before school started, and spent one awesome summer break with pinkie. it was an incredible time of growth and love for us, and i am still continually grateful for it because it’s helping to tide me over this period of time when he’s back in london.
this was never mentioned here, and i think there are a lot of people who don’t know yet.. not officially, anyway. but yea, i stepped down as a leader late this year. it was to sort out a lot of issues between me and God + church, and i thought it was unfair to let it continue to affect them. it was one of the hardest decisions i made, and the journey it took to come to that decision was painful and still is from time to time. i’m still working on stuff and praying that this whole church thing works out too.
it shocked me, but there were a bunch of people who were surprised that i didn’t own a dslr before this. i was blessed with one a few weeks ago, and i am beyond grateful. it’s made things a lot easier photography-wise and i’m hoping this opens up more doors for me. although i am still unsure of which paths to take (career vs dream vs combining both etc etc) i pray that things just fall into place, somehow. the amount of blessings that have taken place with regards to photography is nothing short of amazing for me – from people who offer to teach me various things, to lending me gear etc etc.. i’m just really thankful.
Just four points, but the biggest points in my life this year, I think. My mind’s close to a blank right now because of the lack of sleep.. and so I will be spending NYE at home, in the quiet of my room. I had planned to head down for church’s countdown but the aching back and the thought of dealing with a crowd is abit much tonight.
The year could have ended on a better note, but I’ve too much on my mind that I need to spend abit of time sorting out on my own.
Here’s my year, summed up in a much fancier and happier version:
How has your year been?

Here’s wishing you a wonderful 2010 ahead! Make use of it, spend time with the ones you love and please, let them know you love them. hug, kiss, love.
And that, by the way, is a shot glass full of maple syrup! Hahaha. I wanted to drink it but was forbidden by Zhan. Probably fearing for his life having to deal with me after a shot of sugary goodness.

I’m praying that 2010 will be a good year of love and growth, of stability and of passion.
There is much to look forward to in 2010, really. For me, it’s Pinkie’s arrival back home. For good. At least for awhile. It is so much of a big deal for me, you cannot imagine. Two and a half years of LDR. Half a year more to go. Go go go! iloveyou
And then, there is the great Europe Adventure to be shared with my favouritist pink bear in the whole wide world, once I have completed my first year of school and him, his last. *crosses fingers*
Happy New Year, my lovely readers who never comment and thus making me very sad!!!!!!!!!!!
(I cut my foot on a piece of glass whilst shooting the above photo so the least you can do is say Hello!
*stomps around* Hahaha!) -
Sunday, July 26th 2009 @ 3:43 amcategorised: Daffodil Fields!, I'M HUNGRY!!!, PinkPolarBear, dear God, tweedledeeTo have an awesome night of encountering God with Pinkie and Hillsong end off with ice cream at 3.30 in the morning in my cold air-conditioned room while tucked in bed under the comforter, followed by a cup of super cold iced water… this is bliss.
The only thing that could possibly make this moment any better would be to have you here to enjoy it with me, me thinks.
These small, simple stuff are what makes life worth living.
What’s made you feel blissful or happy lately?
-
Saturday, July 25th 2009 @ 3:50 amcategorised: Daffodil Fields!, PinkPolarBear, Rant!, dear God, farm-mee-li, retail therapySeriously, I need to stop shopping! Although, I am a firm believer in retail therapy. Just look at me today – all smiles and excited because I’d bought stuff! Hehe.
Headed down to the Puma private sale this morning with Pinkie. He didn’t find anything he liked (he didn’t like the super comfy stripey guys jacket that I picked out! Sheesh, how can anyone not like stripes??), but I picked up my hot pink jacket! Loveeeee!! I love jackets and sweaters; it’s just that most of the time it’s too damn hot to wear them in Singapore.
How do you wear your jackets? Nice and snug or loose and
flappybaggy?I used to love super huge jackets because of how big the were – so comfy and you can hide all fat under all that excess cloth! Hehe. I think I might have grown a little out of that phase though, because I realised while trying on jackets today, I’m starting to prefer them to fit a little more snugly so that the jacket doesn’t look too baggy.
One major rule I have when picking out jackets is that the sleeves have to be longer than my arms! What bugs me the most about jackets is when my hands are freezing cold while the rest of me is warm. I like tucking my hands into the sleeves and erm, flapping around. Much to Pinkie’s amusement, this flapping business. Haha.
We left Puma after awhile and popped by the Royal Sporting House factory outlet store downstairs. Walked around the shop and Pinkie pointed out a hot pink Nike jacket to me. I KNOW RIGHT. Hot pink again?? O but don’t stone me, please. This cut’s different from all my other jackets – it’s a proper lady’s jacket cut that fits super snugly. Just nice, actually! Pinkie didn’t like the collar much but I gave in to pinkdom and picked it up anyway. 50% off! Heee.
Circled the store a few more times because he was waiting for his friend to get back to him on a pair of shoes he wanted. Whilst going round and round, I kinda accidentally chanced upon a pair of Lacoste red pumps. So cute! I thought they looked like strawberries! Hehehe. I just had to try them on, of course.
Pottered around looking for sizes in the boxes stacked under the shelves, when suddenly my superhero boyfriend accidentally found a pair in black! Which was awesomeeeee. And erm yes, I bought them too. *shame faced* O but they were at 50% discount too! AHAHAHA. I is teh rocks!
After seeing me spend money (which I really shouldn’t, but you know, I rationalise and figure that I need these things for school and they’d be useful to have, although I know I don’t need 2 hot pink jackets in a day but I didn’t like the other colour options you see! yes. rambling.) Pinkie decided that he wanted to shop around too, so we headed to Vivo.
Can I just say that having GPS on my phone is totally awesome?! Never mind that there are a thousand other reasons why I love my iPhone (which, in case you didn’t know, is also decked in hot pink!) but having GPS + data plan rocks! Being able to check the map, check gothere.sg, check the next bus arriving time, check bus routes… just rocks my socks. Heee.
We walked around Vivo just window shopping, and it was lovely.
I love simple days like these when we’re just spending time together. Hehe. He requested to have lunch at McDonald’s because…….. SHAKER FRIES ARE BACK!!!!!!!!! Shake shake shake! After the frenzy on Twitter yesterday morning when I woke up, I ordered McDees for my late lunch and happily informed him that I had seaweed shaker fries! Yummy! I wish the pepper one would come back though! Together with the black pepper burger, please. And twister fries too! Oooh.
Oh, and McWings make my day, despite the amount of fat and oil… Too damn nice!
EY. I miss the rice burger at McDees, actually. I miss it, A LOT. Even though no one else really liked it. Not many of my friends, that is.. but I really really really liked it a lot. When it got taken off the menu, I was so sad! Never really know what to eat there anymore since then. Haha. They’re all second choices, bah.
Pinkie also convinced me to invest in a proper pair of shades with proper protection for my eyes against UV rays, and not get cheap shades. There goes money again… especially since I found a pair of Ray Ban’s that I likeeee. Have you any idea how difficult it is to find a pair of shades that actually fits my face?! OMG. Trying not to spend money!!! Boo.
I seem to be digressing a lot today, huh?
Anyway, today was an important day also because MY BROTHER BOOKED OUT FROM CAMP FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!!!!! *happy face* I’m not extremely close to my brother, but I really was rather sad that he was going into NS two weeks ago. During the two weeks, he’d call or sms me quite often to just chat. We’ve never really had that sort of close relationship, so it was really nice.
Something good that NS brings, I suppose. I wanted to take him to the secret Jappy place that Qwen introduced me too, but we didn’t make it in time for their last order. My tummy is sad, cos she really wanted the beef teriyaki set tonight! Boo. My second choice didn’t happen either, because they ran out of hot soup for their ramen. SHEESH.
Headed to Waraku instead. Joel was happy with dinner, so I guess that’s all that mattered. I’m so not used to seeing him with no hair on his head!! Hahahaha. He looks older without hair. Lol.
Ah well. It’s devotions with Pinkie tomorrow, and then Hillsong concert.
Awesome. Have we forgotten what true worship is?
God’s greatest and most important command in the bible is to Love one another. Worshipping God goes far and beyond the mere definition of the word itself, i/e praying and going to church etc etc. Worship is an act of your entire life.
As I’d noted in a post on Flippers & Paws, what use is it if you focus on praying etc if you neglect the felt needs of the ones you are watching over?? Sigh…Dear God, please bring me back close to you. Thank you.
I pray in Jesus’ most precious name, Amen.Alright, I need to get some sleep to recover from my 2 hour
sleepnap last night and a long day out!! Grarrrrrr. -
Monday, July 13th 2009 @ 5:10 amcategorised: Contemplation, Crybaby, Daffodil Fields!, PinkPolarBear, The Family, dear GodIt’s almost 5am – I know I really should be asleep. Don’t yell at me.. because my screwed up sleeping pattern is annoying me. Really. I was SO frustrated with myself today when I woke up for a bunch of reasons I shall not go into.
On Saturday, my body decided to go crazy on me. I woke up at 430pm (after sleeping at 6am.. which again, happened cos of various reasons) and felt just as physically weak as I had when I’d gone to bed. Thinking it would go away once I got up and got food into my system, I had lunch.
Found myself crawling back into bed at 7pm and promptly fell asleep half an hour later, only to wake up at 930pm feeling like shit. Ughhh. It was only later that night that I realised that on top of sleep debt and stuff, it’s also because my stupid period was coming. GAH!
DG (or cell group, if you like) on Friday was… good. It’s been awhile since I’ve felt like that, I suppose. It’s taking time, but I’m getting there. Baby steps.. =/
Pinkie and I had a super massive late lunch of Briyani today. The amount of rice given was insane!!! It could feed 3 small eaters. That’s ONE of each serving. Madness. It was yummy though. Made me happy. I also love the people at that little Indian food stall near his place. They’re nice, and so chilled out. Hehe.
Spent time with Pinkie today at his place, watching Hell’s Kitchen and an episode of Top Gear. Funny shit. Nearly went nuts at the Mercedes SLR. SO DAMN PRETTY, ZOMG.
“I thought you didn’t like cars?!” Selective, you know. Heh heh.
Had devotions and a rather long talk with him.. which was good, ultimately.
*hugs* I love you very very much. We’ll work through these things together, and make things work.. okay? There’s going to be so much more that we’ll have to deal with in the future, both with ourselves as well as with life.. but we’ll get there and we’ll be fine as long as we’re in this together, with God. *holds paws* AHAHAHAHAHA. Ok sorry. I typed that out and it seemed damn funny to me.
Pinkie’s now at the airport, checking in to head off to Hong Kong for a few days. *jealous vibes* I wanna shop tooooo! In the meantime, it’s random lazing about at home and meeting people! YAY! Finally gonna see Clara on Tueday.. Wheee!
Hurry home, people. I miss you lot. Van’s coming home in a few weeks.. YAYYYY! Shuana’s in France though.. sob. She just went there a couple of weeks ago. We miss you, dearieeee! Perhaps I’ll see you sometime next year? Haha.
Should I go for the KL trip at year’s end? Hmmmmm…
-
5am woes
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Thursday, June 4th 2009 @ 5:13 amcategorised: Contemplation, Crybaby, Rant!, dear GodSo I can’t sleep, but I’m not too surprised for a variety of reasons amongst my whacked sleeping pattern.
It’s people like you who are precisely the reason why I’m hating myself for the things that eat me up inside. Take your effing self-righteous attitude elsewhere – I don’t welcome it in my life. I don’t need you to validate my existence, nor do I need you to pass careless judgment over my life when you are no where remotely near any position to. I don’t need to answer to you, neither should I have to justify myself. This all just serves to piss me off because for someone as self-righteous as you, you really should do some personal reflecting.
Aside from the other thoughts swimming around in my head, I also think I’m a shitty girlfriend. =(
God, please take charge… I don’t even know what to do to let you do that anymore. I just know I need You. -
Tuesday, May 26th 2009 @ 2:34 amcategorised: Daffodil Fields!, LOL, PinkPolarBear, Uni, Work, arty farty party, carousel, dear God, snapshotsI’m in my brother’s room lying on his bed using my laptop because 1) we’re bored and 2) he had instant noodles just now – the smell made me walk in. HAHA.
He just messaged me on MSN and said Hi, so I had no choice but to reply “burp” whilst burping in real life too.
SO ANYWAY, I know I said I’d post a proper post about a week ago but never got round to it because well, lazing around got the better of me.
For the benefit of those I haven’t had the chance to personally update yet, and for people like Tania who stalks me and apparently feels connected to her friends here through their blogs, HELLO! Haha.
Since a week ago, I’ve been officially unemployed! Hehe. Yea, I know I sound exceptionally cheerful about being jobless – that’s because I am! I was at SPOON Creative as an Accounts Executive. No, not dealing with financials but with clients. Essentially account servicing. It was 7 months there, and I swear, after this stint, I really am never going to take a up a job purely because of the money again.
It’s not the company was bad or I couldn’t get along with the people there. Quite the contrary actually. Everything was good – the bosses, colleagues, hours.. I just hated my job scope. I initially took up the job because I wanted exposure into the design industry before I go ahead with my studies, and I couldn’t apply for the post of a designer because of a host of reasons, much as I would love to.
Liwei told me of the opening for an AE, and I went ahead to apply because given my background, it’s something that I can handle. It was after a couple of months when I realised I couldn’t carry on with the job because I was getting increasingly bored and frustrated with the job scope. I never blogged about it because I think it’s flipping unprofessional to bitch about it openly on your blog.
The people at SPOON were what made the 7 months bearable, and ultimately a whole lot of fun especially in the last 3 months or so. We’d constantly drive out for lunches because we’re all just so sick of the food at Tiong Bahru Market, which is right next to us. The constant yelling and shrieking in the office was insanely fun because everyone’s crazy.
When it was time for me to leave, I didn’t think that I’d miss them and feel as sad as I do about not seeing them everyday. Beyond the crazy fun we have in the office, they’re also a bunch of madly sweet people who’d drive out and travel with me when I had to get admission stuff done for school (which I’ll talk about in abit). If you didn’t already know, I really was very very touched when all of you took the time off even when you had work to do to have lunch farther away just so I had a convenient way of going to get my stuff done.
Over the months, I think I started to care and love them more than I thought I would. A couple of my Saturdays have also been spent with Charmaine, Roy and Liwei as well as Charm’s 2 cousins cos we’d all babysit them together. I loved those Saturdays and I really would like more to come.
I miss the Spoonsters, as they’re affectionately called.. I miss the morning JOLENEAREYOUHUNGRY!!!!s, and the constant LIWEISHUTUPLAa.
And although I really did feel like killing Liwei many times during the 7 months, he can be undeniably sweet:tube:
for about 5 – 6 years i’ve only been a virtual friend to you
and vice versa.
and suddenly you are part of my working life
and suddenly you are gonna go off again
i just feel like someone stole ice cream from meOn my last day at work, Charm and Roy cancelled their date night dinner to have dinner with me – thank you!! I really do appreciate it; it made me happy hehe. Charm, Roy, Liwei, Andee and myself headed to the Fish Bistro at Hillcrest where I finally had my cod fish!!! I’d been craving for it for AGES. Sighhh, unfortunately it was much too fishy for me so my cod fish craving is still unsatisfied. The food there is really good though!!
We headed to Klee after that, this tucked away bar at Portsdown. It’s a really lovely place where they don’t have a menu and the bartenders will mix up something for you. The strawberry sake cocktail is AWESOME. Plus, they’re really nice. Photos another time!
Before we left office on my last day, we took tons of photos with Photobooth!! I love how they’re all crazy and fun-loving. My favourite kind of people to work with!
And here are the mad Spoonsters…

Liwei and myself!

With neoprints that we all took months ago during lunch! haha!

Me with the panda that they all got me for my birthday!! And Liwei with..... Fluffy. HAHAHA!!



AHAHAHA OMG LIWEI IS RETARDED!

yea, we fight everyday at work.

My cute panda! And the fake bread that Liwei tricked Charm into eating before. AHAHA!

Charm joins in! (pronounced sharm k)


haha omg charm is damn cute

Everybody! (yeaaa..) That's Roy at the back, and Andee with half a face

everyone with half a face...

LOL, i love how everyone always has different expressions in the photos!!

THAT'S MY SMUDGED EYELINER AT 8PM not eyerings k!!!!!!!!

Beefcake Seah.... and a pregnant-looking Charm. AHAHAHA

ooh rollercoaster!

ooh birdie! and superandee. ahahah

one of my fav photos! LOOK AT CHARM HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

bloop. liwei is a chinese vampire?

Grandpa Andee and his grandkids

HAHAHA OMG i'm laughing while blogging la!!!



And by then, I was laughing like mad. PLEASE LOOK AT CHARM. HAHAHAHA


WHAT IS SEEMINGLY A NORMAL PHOTO.

One of my favourites because everyone's just doing their own thing!
Hahahahaha!! Damn, posting the photos up was very fun! I was laughing like a crazy seal in front of my Macbook whilst trying to format this entry. Hahaha, I MISS THE SPOONSTERSSSSS. I’m sure we’ll meet soon! Hehe.
So what happens now that I am jobless? Heh heh heh.. Lots of slacking and lazing around, of course! My sleeping pattern’s whacked but no matter, they’ll be back to somewhat normal next week, YOU KNOW WHYYY? *annoying face*
Because………..
PINKIE IS COMING HOME
THIS FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
(4 more days)
*beams* Oh happy days are here! Hee hee. I can’t wait! YAYNESS!
Aside from pink bears returning home, come August, I’ll be a student again. YAYNESS! I really do miss studying and being in school, and if you’re one of those who knows my long and tiring journey with regards to Uni, then I suppose you may understand why I’m so happy to finally get it all settled.
It’s defintely been a tiring time leading up to this, but I suppose, I really did learn a lot along the way. Hopes of going overseas to pursue my degree are somewhat dashed, but I guess it’s all in God’s plans and He wants me to stay in Singapore afterall. I still very much want to go abroad, so we’ll see how that works out in the future. Who knows? Hehe.
Come August, I’ll be going to LASALLE to do a degree in Design Communication. I’ll either major in Graphic Design or Image Communication. Probably Imaging, because it involves photography AND design – God is good! This major was introduced this year for the first time, and the timing’s just perfect for me.
In preparation for the portfolio to apply for LASALLE, I took up art classes starting from the end of last year at Canvass. Michelle (my art teacher and Canvass’ director) is awesome and I love her hehe. She’s lots of fun and abit crazed; just the way I like it! Hahaha. I’m stopping my classes already because I don’t have an income to support it. Instead, I’ll be working for her. HEHE!!
I took up the classes because basic drawing skills are somewhat needed for entry into LASALLE and I have absolutely zilch. I can’t draw, seriously. Not even trying to be modest here. Haha.
I also went for LASALLE’s Portfolio Workshop at the beginning of this year. It was held over a few days where they taught us basic drawing technics and helped us to build a scrapbook which we could use for the interview.
The interview for LASALLE went really well, and praise God for that! Because I have a horrid fear of interviews. I get all nervous and then I blank out, not knowing what to say, with nothing going through my head. Horrible. The interview was a month or so ago, I think. I was reading up online about the interviews in forums and blogs that I found when I did a search. Based on the comments posted and from what I heard from the people I got to know during the Workshop, it’s rather easy to get into LASALLE – what’s difficult is getting them to give you entry into Year 1 or 2, and letting you skip the Foundation Year.
Before I went for the interview, I was undecided as to whether or not I wanted to skip the foundation year. Part of me wanted to attend the Foundation Year because well, it’d build my foundation and teach me the skills that I lack because I don’t have a formal design education background. The other part of me didn’t want to because it’s another year added to my Uni education, making the total number of years I’d spend in school FOUR. Also, it meant another year of expenses which is a crazy shitass amount because I am not eligible for MOE’s Diploma grant for LASALLE – I already have a Diploma from TP.
Before I go on – LASALLE’s Degree course takes 4 years, including the Foundation Year. Year 3 (which is the fourth year) is the Degree year, i/e if you stop studying after Year 2, you’ll graduate with a diploma.
When the interviewer kindly offered me direct entry into Year 1, I was thrilled! I’d found out during the interview that what will be taught in Year 1 will be fine with me, even without taking the Foundation Year. Praise God! I thank God also for His presence with me, for when I walked into the interview room an immediate sense of calm fell upon me.
I’m incredibly excited to be going back to school! With that excitement also comes anxiety – I worry that I won’t get used to having to do assignments and projects when I get home. For the past 3 years, when I get home all I do is unwind and go online for fun! Sheesh. Hahaha..
Oh, and I also worry about making new friends. AHAHAHA. Oh shuddup, don’t laugh at me! It’s trueeee.
Despite the nerves, my screwed sleeping pattern and having no income, I’m way excited for what is to come, as well as being very happy that Pinkie is coming home in 4 days! His exams end tomorrow, after stretching over a period of one month. Mad.
I cannot cannot cannot cannot wait to squish you. HEE HEE!
And now that I’ve FINALLY blogged this super long crazy post of updates on my life, I will reward myself with Timtams + cold milk! LIFE IS GOOOOOD! =)) -
Thursday, May 21st 2009 @ 5:09 amcategorised: Contemplation, Crybaby, PinkPolarBear, dear God, farm-mee-liIt’s almost 5 in the morning.
5 minutes ago, my dad came into my room to pass me the MOS Clubbers Guide 2009 CD that he bought, to pass to Pinkie because he realised he cannot listen to…….. those songs. Thank God. At least that’s one person less around me listening to trance. *grimace*
4.55am. My dad came to pass me a CD at 4.55am. It sounds ridiculous, but my heart breaks at this, only because I know he is doing so because he cannot sleep.
An hour ago, he was in my room telling me about his day at work.
Some people deserve to die. Rather, they don’t deserve to live, or have what they have anyway. Seeing my dad unable to sleep at 4 in the morning when he has a whole day of meetings the next day at work is insane. I pray all these gets sorted out soon. Prayer works, right?
Alex (yes, Kelv’s evil friend) asked me how I was on MSN earlier today. How am I? I was at a loss as to how to reply him. So I asked him why he asked. A string of text followed which didn’t answer my question but it didn’t matter anymore. I tried to answer his question but he said I wasn’t answering it.
Tired. Stoned. Don’t feel much about anything. Sian.
He said that wasn’t answering his question, and I suppose it’s true. I need to figure out the mess in my head. Something tells me I’m afraid to. The other day after speaking with Van online, we talked briefly about what was bothering us. I didn’t particularly want to get into the conversation any deeper than the surface, but it happened to scrape past just a lil.
And what’s scary is that just from that little bit of conversation came a lot of unspeakable heartache on my part. I don’t know what to do, and I’m not sure what I want anymore. I’m not even sure I want to face this.
There will always be periods of feeling far away from God, but somehow, this time feels different and I don’t mean that in a good way either. Things feel different. People feel different. Where are you? My heart is breaking and it’s useless to keep telling me that you are there to walk with me, not when I feel so alone. It is also completely pointless to tell me that ultimately I live for God and not anyone else when you are the ones who are making that difficult. Those words seem so empty now so I’d rather not hear them.
What makes me even sadder is that somehow along the way, the 8 days that I have left to countdown feels different as well. It tears me apart to feel this way and I’m not even sure what’s happening. I tell myself that things will be better in abit, things will be better… right?
Some days I wonder why I keep wanting to hear words spoken out loud to convey their meanings.
Is it REALLY simply because Words are my 2nd love language, or because everything else doesn’t give me enough security to just trust you?
So then what’s the difference and significance of words and actions?
Words serve to encourage.
Actions serve to support.
They come as a package – one cannot be without the other. If you just speak, what use is it? And if you just carry out actions without supporting, you get the task done but leave hearts to be broken. WHAT’S THE POINT????
I’m tearing up whilst typing this – I didn’t expect all these words and text to appear; I’d wanted to do a simple 3 liner post.
I wanted to say that I should just learn to bite my tongue, keep quiet and not bug you.
I hate feeling this alone.
Spare me empty words and superficial are you okays please. -

That absolutely shouldn’t be repeatedly answered with “yesterday”.
Please don’t let me lose sight of meaning in all of this.
God, save me. -
Tuesday, March 3rd 2009 @ 6:43 pmcategorised: Crybaby, PinkPolarBear, Random bursts, Rant!, dear GodWe try and try, over and over. We try even when we get pushed away time and again, after feeling disappointed and hurt a couple of times over.
I can’t say that we’ve all tried with an equal amount of determination or zest, because how do you measure these things anyway? I won’t and can’t say that I’ve put in the most amount of effort in, but there was a significant amount of effort put in.
Why do we keep doing this? Honestly, it’s simply because of love.
Love.
That’s so intangible and fragile and yet, so insanely powerful.
What has become of this love? What have you done with the love that we try our best to show and shower upon you?
I don’t know. Maybe we’re doing something wrong.
All I know is that right now, it feels like I’m being trampled upon. What’s sad is that I can’t seem to find motivation to try again, or to keep trying.
Sure, you could say that we should just leave them be, and not bother. Let things happen and run their course. But think about it – how can you leave someone to be when you know they’re harming themselves? Necessary evil? Perhaps.
But we keep fighting for this because of love.
The very least you could do is to be honest.
I don’t know about everyone else, and I’m not speaking on behalf of ANY of them, but I’m sick of trying when you don’t bother. Over and over, I keep hearing word of things seemingly improving, of effort that is promised but somehow never made. I didn’t even wait for you to take the first step.
Sigh. I think I’m just… irrationally(?) disappointed and upset.
/end rant.
I’m so tiredddd. Maybe even more so today because I feel somewhat sickly.
I think about how I haven’t updated on what’s been happening in my life, and then I feel lost because I’m not quite sure what’s happening.
A huge part of it sucks, and I HATE it.
But an even larger part of it totally rocks, and I LOVE you for that :]
I’ve been meaning to update Flippers&Paws but when I get home every night, my energy’s zapped and all I want to do is crash on bed and sleep my day away. Which happens… usually at 3am. HAHA. Okok I knowww… I need to quit living on two time zones.
TIME ZONES ARE EVIL!!!!!


Usually at points like these in my life, I’d say I need a break or a holiday, but somehow I know that won’t work this time.
I just need you here, that’s all.
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.Hello, God. I miss you too.
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Sunday, January 4th 2009 @ 9:08 pmcategorised: Daffodil Fields!, PinkPolarBear, dear God -
Tuesday, December 30th 2008 @ 4:41 pmcategorised: dear GodI know I get quite a number of hits by people searching for the lyrics of this song – so here it is
Embedded the song from imeem (but didn’t autoplay – i am so considerate. LEARN PLEASE!)this is how i know what love is
this is how i know i’m free
this is how i know salvation
Jesus came and died for methis is why i come to worship
this is why i lift my hands
this is why i now surrender
everything i ambecause of Your love,
there is dancing in my heart
because Your grace, i am free
because of Your faithfulness
there’s a song that must be sung
and i will sing, i will sing because of Youthis is why there’s joy within me
this is why my spirit sings
Jesus You’re my great adventure
You’re my everythingYou came to save the world,
to save the world, to save the world…Your love can change the world
can change the world, can change the world…I love this song! It’s such a happy bounce off walls track heehee.
Because of Your love, indeeeeedy




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